AN actural conversation-story (somewhat) by warlady21

This is a conversation I had with two of my friends some years ago. I used to record my coversations with my friends, and I just found the tape to this one. This is a conversation we hade about cannibalism. I changed the names of my friends to protect their identities. forgive the misspellings, my word isn’t working so I had to use wordpad, no spelling checks. and I was too lazy to use a dictionary. ITs a little boring, but I thought it would make a somewhat good story. ~

“I can’t believe you got an A+ and detention for it.” Nate said as we hung out in my garage.

“I can’t believe you wrote about it.” Said Robert.

I laughed. It was spring time, 2001. I was in tenth grade at the time and a little twisted, or so eveyrone said. I just got done showing my report I made for my Cooking class to my two guy friends. It was about, what else, cannibalism.

A month ago, my teacher asked us to do a report on past types of cooking, but something that was a little over the top and exciting. Boy, you should had seen the look on her face when I told her I was writing about cannaiblaism. But she said anything and I looked it up. And the pricipal found out and I got detention. And of course the A+

“Why would anyone want to eat a human being?” Robert asked me.

I smiled. “Well, apparenly, a long time ago, diffrent tribes or diffrent islands had scarce sources of meat. They could live on Fish, but that’s not enough for them. So, desprite for food, they ate each other, since we have the same nutrients as cows do.”

“I thought we were like pigs?” Nate smirked.

“Acutrally, we’re more like beef.” I said. “We’re more fattening, and our meat cooks differently from pigs. plus beef is more filling.”

“But your report said that at other times, like the medevil times, there have been signs of people eathing people?” Robert asked.

“Yes.” I said. “You know what a siege is right?”

“Not really.” Robert admitted.

I should mention that Robert is an Eighth grader and his parents keep him pretty sheltered.

“Its where an army surrounds this fort where their enemies are.” nate said. “They keep their enemies in and the guys stuck inside run out of food and water quickly, resulting in surrenders if they dont’ fight back.”

“Exactly.” I said. “But sometimes, there are armies that are really stubborn. They take these huge cauldons and take the dead and the dying and throw them in there. Its the wrong way to do it, mind you, but it does keep them feed for quite some time. Even Vald the impaler did that. THere’s a story where 6 men were coming home from a war when Vald took them to his caslte. He killed and boiled alive three of the men and forced the other three to eat their comrades. He told them that either they meet the same fate, or they join his army. Of course they joined him.”

“Hey.” Nate said. “You said “the wrong way to do it.’”

“Yeah?”

“What do you mean?”

At this point I picked up another can of pop and it made a loud hiss as I opened it. “Oh, that boiling alive thing?”

“Yeah.”

I thought about how to phase this right. “Well, say that I take a mouse, and put him into a bowl of water. What does he do?”

“Splash around and try to get out?” Robert asked.

“Yes.” I said. “Even when the water heats up, they spash around. Same for when you put a human in it.”

Nate blinked. “Well tie them up-”

“And they still move around.” I said, cutting him off. “Even if the cauldon goes up above their head, they can still wiggle out of the pot.”

“But what if they’re too weak to do it?” Robert asked. “or, even what you said, they were already dead before they put them in there?”

“Well, then they can’t cook them whole.” I said. “They would not cook evenly. Most meats would sink into the pot, but the human body, even dead, can still float, so it moves around a lot when it’s boiling.”

“So….what’…cooking them in an oven or spritting them over a fire is better?” Nate smirked, remembering the pictures I showed him once.

“Acturally, yes.” I said. “The heat is getting them all at once. even if they move aorund in an oven, they’re still getting cooked evenly. ANd it’s healthyer I believe.”

“What about that spitting them?” Robert asked.

“That….ok, that alwasy boggled my mind.” nate said. “I mean, sure, you can live long time being cooked, but when you’re impaled, doens’t that kill you?”

“Only if you hit a lot of organs.” I said. “When you put a steak in, some organs actureally move aorund a bit. and if you do it right, you can miss the lungs and heart. I read that there are poles that have air holes in them that helps them breathe, so they last longer.”

“Ok, this conversations is starting to creep me out.” Robert said.

“‘Just starting?” I snickered.

“Yeah.” Robert said.

“Scared that we’re going to start cooking you?” Nate smiled evily.”

Robert actureally eeped at that part.

“Acturally, if any one of us is going to be eaten, it probably would be me.” I said, a little miffed.

“Huh?” both guys said.

“Well, for one thing, I’m big enough to feed a family of 12.” I said. Sad but true. Still sad and true, but now I can feed a family of 6. maybe 7 if someone is eating light.

“Emmy, you’re not-”

“Robert, quiet.” I cut in. “I knw i’m fat. and that’s not the only reason. Apparenly, women had more addrenilen rushes than men do, so that makes our hormorns run faster and it seeps into our…well…meat, making it taste better. not to mention, women are more tenderrized then men. Mens meat are too tough or too flappy. Women, fat ones even, have a richer taste than men do.”

“So women in fear before they die, taste better than men in fear before they die.” Nate asked.

“Well, they don’t neccessary have to be in fear before they die.” I blurted out.

That got their attention.

“Are you saying that women who are killed and eaten acturally can be excited when they die?” nate asked, surprised.

LIke so many coversations before this, the subject alwasy turns to sex. Another reason why Highschool was uncomfortible for me. Cough me virgin Cough

“Yeah.” I said. “soemtimes, before they kill the women…they…well….they have sex with them.”

“I”m outta here.” Robert said.

“Oh sit down, you’re as immature as the rest of us.” Nate laughed.

Robert did so and I continued. “Yes, they have sex before they kill them. again, it’s the adrenilien right. not to mention their hormorns and endorphans sweeten the meat for more flavor. My paper said that the meat is more delious that way, but I couldn’t find actural proof without cooking someone.”

Robert paled at that thought as Nate laughed.

“I could give you some suggestions on who too cook.” Nate smirked.

“Do they cook the old like the stories says?” Robert asked.

“Normaly yes.” I said. “But there are times where they actureally eat the young as well. Apparently, the younger the meat, the more flavorful the meat is.”

“So those stories where they tear out the heart of their enemies and eat them are…?” Robert couldn’t finished, he looked sick.

“At some siturations and points in the world, yes.” I said.

Robert ran behind the garage at this point and we heard him vomiting. He came back a bit later and sat right down.

“Feel better?” I asked.

“yeah.” He answered.

“If you ahd to be cooked and eaten, how would you go?” Nate suddenly asked.

That caught us offguard. “What?” I asked.

“How would you like be cooked?” Nate asked. “Just wondeirng. It’s an intresting thought.”

“Oh my god…” Robert groaned, causing nate to chuckled.

“Nah, just think about it.” Nate said. “Say that you were caught and going to be killed and cooked, how would like to be cooked?”

After a bit of thinking, nate answered first.

“I like the idea of being boiled.” nate said. “You know me, I fall asleep two minutes after I get into a hot tub. I’d be out cold. and even if i’m not, I can splash around and hopefuly give them a good fight before I go down.”

“Spitted sounds nice.” Robert said, starting the spiral that eventuraly turned him Gay. Not that there is anything wrong with it. he found himself a nice guy. “I Like BBQ a lot.”

“you can’t tell with that thin frame.” I said, pointing at his skin which showed off his bones.

“So I’ll gain a few pounds.” Robert said. He never did by the way, maybe around two pounds. “What about you emmy?”

I didnd’t even need to think on this. “I want to be prekilled and put into an oven. If I can’t fight back, I want to be dead before i’m cooked. I know the meat won’t be too good, but even if I wasn’t dead, I can still put up a good show. But If thye’re going to gut and stuff me, then I want to be dead before they do that. Otherwise, I can’t put on too good of a show.”

“You thought about this a lot longer, didn’t you?” Nate asked, laughing.

“Yep.” I said. That made Robert look at me in shock.

“Why would you think that?” Robert asked, in horror.

“I dont’k now, it was kinda fun.” I said. After that, we just sat there in silence as the rain started pouring. My dad came out a bit later.

“hi guys.” He said. “Robert, Nate. Want to come by this weekend? We’re having a cook out and we’re roasting pigs. Wnat to join in?”

The guys ran off so fast, they broke the sound barrier. Dad looked compleatly confused as I laughed.